Day 06 – Something you hope you never have to do.
.
Sigh.
Difficult one.
The “normal” motherly things that I don’t want to mention
because I’m an ostrich and bury my head.
.
Sincerely, what I hope I never have to do
is become dependent on my children or grandchildren.
It is a burden I’ve seen great people crumble under health wise.
I’ve seen people age way beyond their years, ….
and relationships crumble.
.
I don’t want to cause them heart break as I age into the years of “matriarch”…
and THAT is NOW and in the present to the distant future
since my heredity on both sides is to live a looong time…
over 100 for many.
.
7/7/2011
PS, to my blog:
I hope I never have to depend on my children or grandchildren for care, money or housing….
It's my observation that many people think about the personal care aspect, but not money or housing. As the baby boomers age, it will be a topic of conversation for sure, or at least I think so.... Aging is an expensive proposition for many...the unexpected expenses that the family provide for.... and the stress it causes for some. Some multigenerational families thrive, others crumble or at least become very stressed dealing with current values and situations. Making my list, checking it twice, and hoping for the best. I thank everyone who has visited and read this post... ☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
siggiofmaine 
siggiofmaine
Cin, in all my years of nursing, this is the first time someone has shared this with me, altho, I’m sure it happens more often than one would think, now that I think of it.
Would it help, if he did not see you doing these tasks, or is it just knowing you do them? Is it possible for you to do these tasks in private so he doesn’t see them?
In Maine, it is thought to be the natural order of life by many of the “natives”…and I am now curious how it affects the couples.
My own mother disapproved of my being a nurse for the same reasons (personal care) and was very upset that you could see the bathroom door at my house from the dining room …. during her few visits she had a seat that her back was to the door, but if anyone had to use the facility during a meal, she was finished eating…some times for more than one meal…she admitted, stated once, she didn’t know how I could live in a house with that bathroom door where it is because she lost her appetite knowing it was there and “you can hear sounds when someone is in there.”
If money isn’t an issue, maybe find someone to come in and help with her daily routine and changes?
It is a ministry of love that you are doing…and I know you are doing the best you can with so many plates in the air.
I am so sorry that it is this way. Could you two get away for a day or two by your selves?
Your vision of the “home” as it is often called in Maine and else where, is lovely, so I am presuming there are lovely care taking places where you live.
Thank you for taking the time to visit and write a reply to my post.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
theonlycin
Siggi, my frail Mother In Law lives with us. Money is not the object, but my husband seeing me clean her when she soils herself, soaking her bedsheets etc has drained the romance from our marriage. I’ve become the mother if the household … It’s sad and certainly not the natural order of things.
I will not do the same to my daughter, when my time comes I shall go to a home and be cared for by professionals. My family can visit, see me clean and scented, and bring me flowers and chocolates.
xxx
siggiofmaine
Tilly, I believe most people do…but I have met people who feel the opposite…that it is the duty of
others to “give all” for there parents/grandparents, relatives…no matter what the physical, mental,
monetary cost.
And sometimes the children take it on “at all costs”, and I hope my children and grandchildren
don’t do that.
Thank you for reading my post and writing the comment…I love to hear from you.
Siggi in summery and sunny Downeast Maine
pissykittyslitterbox.com
I can totally relate to that. I was just telling my friend the other day that I truly believe I would take my own life if I was forced with the realization I had Alzheimers. I’ve seen up close the toll that takes on the person dealing with it as well as family and friends.
As far as now the one thing that comes to mind above any other is that I hope I never have to bury one of my children. I can’t even fathom how someone gets past that.
siggiofmaine
My professional life has been surrounded by people with Alzheimer’s and dementia, related diseases. And I can see why you feel that way…
many people do feel exactly the same way. But aging doesn’t necessarily mean you have Alzheimer’s.
In my way of viewing aging, there are even worse situations and it is scary to think of them. I added a post script to the post if you’d like to see more of my thoughts.
My experiences have see the bitter sweet of aging…and I’m hoping to make it more sweet than bitter if I can…by staying active, having activities in my life every
day that I enjoy, and staying in a tight budget to be self sufficient, but still thoughtfully spend to enjoy adventures and not feel stifled.
Thanks for your taking the time to read my post and reply in a thoughtful way.
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
pissykittyslitterbox.com
Aging is a delicate subject for me, because I know the hourglass has turned and I’m on the downside of my life now. To me the moment I’m unable to take care of myself the tide will change and I’ll want to ride out with it. I applaud you for being one of those capable of dealing with something as uncomfortable as dementia. It takes a special person to deal with it, and I know I’m not one. Perhaps that’s the reason that there are so many nurses in my family, and yet I never chose that as an option for me. Not for lack of empathy, but rather a weak constitution. I have difficulty separating myself from people and situations, and don’t ‘cope’ well. My wish, like many I suppose, is that I live my life comfortably, and go out quickly.
siggiofmaine
PS, to my blog: I hope I never have to depend on my children or grandchildren for care, money or housing….
It’s my observation that many people think about the personal care aspect, but not money or housing.
As the baby boomers age, it will be a topic of conversation for sure, or at least I think so….
Aging is an expensive proposition for many…the unexpected expenses that the family provide for….
and the stress it causes for some. Some multigenerational families thrive, others crumble or at least
become very stressed dealing with current values and situations.
Making my list, checking it twice, and hoping for the best.
I thank everyone who has visited and read this post…
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
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We're Jumpin'
I agree too, never thought about that, but I can totally see how it can draining. Good post!!
siggiofmaine
Thank you for visiting, reading and replying ☺
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
Tilly Bud
I think most of us feel this way.
siggiofmaine
Thank you LLSlices for “liking” the post.
Appreciate your time to visit and read it
and let me know you like it..
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
siggiofmaine
Thanks for the reply Helena…we do it for others, but do not wish it for ourselves to be that strength draining event in someones life. I know my family would do it for me…I just hope for them, it doesn’t have to happen.
☮ ♥ Siggi in Downeast Maine
Helena White
Oh my! I was just saying this very thing the other day. I looked after my Mom in our home for 3 years before she went into palliative care. Although I would do it again in a minute, it was emotionally and physically draining. I do not wish to be a burden to my kids…Good write!