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written in the present tense,
remembering a time long ago,
a nightmarish time
in my life when a simple
thought at a moment notice
could trigger a waking or
sleeping nightmare
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dVerse: Poetics: Nightmare Verse
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Daymares /Nightmares
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dread the daymares
dread more the nightmares
the thoughts pop in at
a moments notice
where do they come from
and why do they visit
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? visit ? I don’t think so
they come and live for hours
days at a time
sneaking in, rushing in
without warning
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no warning
no hint at what the trigger
might as well be a weapon
that slashes thru the soul
as a thought I can not kill
by will alone.
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my will must be weak,
no matter what the weather,
whatever my mood,
the sun can be shining,
clouds can hover day and night
birds can sing…nor not
a whispered word,
an unguarded thought
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I don’t think thoughts
can be guarded,
not by will alone.
Adult beverages just make
things worse,
medications hold them down
so when the unguarded,
un-medicated mind is at peace,
in sneaks the terror
only I know the source
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dread the day
dread more the night
the thoughts pop in at
a moments notice
where do they come from
when I am off guard
and weak.
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Live the Moment: dVerse Meeting the Bar
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Live the Moment: dVerse Meeting the Bar
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Prompt: sense all that is around you,
go to that peaceful place of writing,
and be present in the moment and write.
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When I turn off the tv
and see what the present moment
is like:
The house is quiet,
and peaceful,
alone with my thoughts.
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I hear a “hum” like an old
fashion radiator giving off heat
and wonder
were it is coming from,
realizing, it is me,
what I hear is in my head,
but it doesn’t bother me…
steady and not too loud.,
quiet and peaceful,
I’m still alone with my thoughts.
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I am very hard of hearing….
“deaf” one grand-child says.
I know there is traffic going
by the house,
but only if I look to see it.
Lunch was done long ago…
I can’t hear the microwave
“ding”
when I got distracted
“listening”
and writing,
time got away from me !
And it’s okay,
I won’t waste away
any day soon
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Some days I can hear the click
of the keys as I type,
not today
just the dull tapping
of the space bar
at times.
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So it is quiet and peaceful,
alone with my thoughts.
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I look outside,
snow is still on the branches
and thru one window,
it looks like a bird has perched
atop the cross on the steeple next door.
Usually it is a seagull,
but today, maybe a crow as it is very
dark in color.
I can’t hear if the birds are calling,
or talking or fighting,
as it snowed and the windows
are closed today…
even if the windows were open,
I wouldn’t hear them…
who am I fooling !☺.
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Another sound…
could it be the cat snoring ?
I get up and go over to where she
seems to be asleep,
and yes, it is her snoring !
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All is well.
It is quiet and peaceful,
alone with my thoughts.
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.Linking to dVerse Poets Pub
Solar Shoveling 3/29/2012
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The storm left 3″ of soggy white snow on
my lawn and car. The snow was already
starting to melt, so decided except for the
pathway into the front door, would let
Mother Nature do the “shoveling” with
solar power.
Snow in the spring is more delightful than in
the fall, because I know it is going to melt
sooner than later, it’s feeding the earth and
covering the dirty piles of snow from winter.
Sort of a temporary “spring cleaning.”
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Far corner of deck. Bird feeder not in use this winter
it was way to expensive and didn’t know if I would be
able to feed the birds all the way to spring. Sigh. :-{
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From back deck. Side street one block long, river and dam beyond.
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Corner of back yard, edge of property above church right of way.
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Garden Buddah. Waiting for spring.
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Lacey bush across at the Moore School Y Daycare and
Senior Center.
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Can crocuses, tulips, daffodils and forsythia
be far behind ?
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In like a Lion, out like a Lion. March in Maine 3/29/2012
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It’s midnight and been snowing 12 hours
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IView of school across the street…no need to plow.
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The view out the back door. I love the lights
in the window of the house across the field.
Not too close, not too far away.
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Haiku Heights #112 – Endurance 3/25/2012
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My son, Bret Stevens
Photos by Stacey Stevens…
she had sent them to me on
facebook so they are a photo
of a photo.
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Bret runs the long race
endurance required for
twenty six plus miles
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home / away / heat / cold
stamina, patience, can be
your best qualities
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running family,
Runner’s Roost, close by your side
creates endurance
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Today a half race
Runner’s Roost loves Rock ‘n Roll
endurance still rules
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sister, nieces cheer
voices loud along the route
stamina runs deep
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My 500th post: siggiofmaine on WordPress.
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WoW.
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A special thanks to my subscribers for
their patience, suggestions and support.
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One subscriber asked to see a few paintings
that I have done at various times.
I have chosen, instead of words, to share
some of my favorite recent paintings
to celebrate reaching the assume number
of 500 posts which I thought would have taken
years, instead of less than one year !
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Hammock at night after snow storm.
Study in acrylic on paper, made into a card.
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“Crystal Clear” acrylic on canvas.
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Fall Blueberry Field in Downeast Maine, acrylic on canvas
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Cataract Painting: Somesville Boat Landing. Acrylic on canvas.
(Cataract paintings were painted during a period of time
when I had cataracts forming and didn’t realize it.)
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Mixed Media painting on canvas. “Sign of Spring”.
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Cataract painting. Acrylic on canvas. Somesville, ME
Conservancy.
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Watercolor on YUPO. YUPO is a plastic paper.
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My facebook site and my
Art of Sigrid Gerstner Stevens Saradunn site
have more paintings and art work.
(Facebook wouldn’t allow enough letters in
my name to include “Butler”) so here I would
like to acknowledge that my first husband,
Bruce K. Butler, whom I call “Ken”
has been a huge supporter of my art
and my writing.
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Hopefully the next 500 posts will show growth,
bravery, a unique style in what I write
and continue to interest my readers.
I am excited to see what will flow from my
soul to my fingers on to the pages.
Hope you, my readers, are too.
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Peace and love to all.
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Painting at the Somesville Library…finished Muses Challenge # 9.
Took a nap before Everybody Eats.
430 Bayside tonite…The Cottars with Rachel Davis and Bruce an Irish guitar player.
Six Word Journal 2/20/2012
Someville painting/finished challenge/Bayside music
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Writing group
Birthday lunch..paid for by Roger…at Riverside
I had grilled cheese with cream of potato soup…and Jane’s french fries
Nap til time for Shrove Tuesday Pancake supper at St. Dunstan’s
Six Word Journal 2/21/2012
writing group/Riverside /Shrove Tuesday: Pancakes
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Portrait group at Parker Ridge…Winkie
Walmart for treats for Bianca…fuss budget needs/wants ☺.
3 hour nap with Bianca…I needed comfort.
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Six Word Journal for 2/22/2012
Portrait group: Winkie/Walmart/comfort nap
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Sick today vs just depressed.
Weather is gray and oppressive…depression is part of it,
but think I need more rest.
Didn’t go to the Senior Center.
Slept on purpose instead vs unplanned cat nap !
Blogged. Answered some emails.
The news said gas is going to make a mean hike tomorrow so filled the tank of my car
at the Irving Station…3 cents less than Mobile at 3.76…$20 worth. 6 + gallons
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Six Word Journal 2/23/2012
Sick & tired/tired & sick
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Feeling better with a lot of rest since last week
Painted in Somesville…finished challenge 9 painting...
the sides weren’t done ! Oops !
Walmart…talked to Tom about blueberries and the open winter.
Bianca and I took a long nap…dark and dreary day waiting for the storm to arrive
Nice long email letters received…2 with photos…cheery
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Six word Journal 2/24/2012
Somesville painting: mood lifting/cheery letters
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Sleepy day…depressed, not sleepy.
Organized most recent photo cd’s
Posted Muses Painting Challenge # 9 It’s Raining in Bangor
http://musesplayground.posterous.com/ is the blog site…
visit it and see how we have met our 8 challenges so far…
the archive is at the lower left corner of the page
Stayed inside…rain, snow, rain
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Six Word Journal 2/25/2012
Posted painting finally/dreary winter’s weather
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Lunch at China Hill with Diana
Had their veggie tempura … first time on the buffet
Walmart…photo cd for week.
Blogged.
Watched the Academy Awards…and worked on Journal for blog…
way late again. later note: forgot to post ! (3/17/2012)
Sun was out but the wind was wicked and made it miserable out.
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Six Word Journal 2/26/2012
China Hill/wicked cold wind/brrrr.
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Painted at Somesville…home early…we had a good day, little accomplished ☺.
Everybody eats
On the news, Mr Paperback book stores
… all of them…are closing :{
Bookstores becoming a thing of the past…
especially the smaller ones or small chains like Mr Paperback
Light snow started while at Everybody eats…
Cold to the bone from dampness…
don’t think the temp was much lower than mid’30’s
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Six Word Journal 2/27/2012
Somesville/Mr. Paperback closing/bone chilling
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Twenty years ago I came home from the Meadows in Wickenbury, AZ.
The Meadows is a 12 Step Recovery program…
I stayed six weeks instead of five until I could recognize anger !
Writers group
Lunch at Martha’s Diner…Great chicken soup and home fries
Talked about Mr Paperback closing…sigh
Walmart for birthday goodies for Bianca tomorrow
3 hour nap with Bianca
Cold…windy, partly sunny..brrrrzy
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Six Word Journal for 2/28/2012
writing group/Martha’s Diner/cold brrrrzy
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Wednesday Portrait group…Richard from writers group
Bianca…11th Birthday, 4th year anniversary of adoption from shelter
Bianca and I took a nap…nice long winter’s nap
Waiting for snow...same system that spawned tornadoes in midwest
…including Branson, MO last nite
G. made a delicious Am. Chop Suey...
spicy, with peppers from Everybody Eats
and shared half of it with me. So yummy.
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Six Word Journal 2/29/2012 Leap Year
Bianca celebrations/portrait group/snow coming
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Gordon, the plumber, came and then left…wrong faucets sent..will reorder
Waiting for snow...finally in afternoon it arrived…windy, blowin’ and cold
Will last into am since it was slow arriving
Winter blahs...not really depressed, but the gloomy day was unsettling mentally
Painting tomorrow iffy…depending on when the snow ends,
and if we can get into the library in Somesville
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Six Word Journal 3/1/2012
wrong bathroom faucets sent/snowing/windy
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Somesville...had to dig path in from yesterday’s storm
Belfast to Arrhous for opening of Art show…
Kris Cook, Paula Daugherty, Mrs. Patterson had paintings there
Nice evening for ride
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Six Word Journal 3/2/2012
Snow stopped/Somesville/ride to Belfast
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Got very little done today.
Depressed and sleepy.
Did catch up a a little blogging.
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Six Word Journal 3/3/2012
thinking/wondering why no one came
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In order to not be mysterious about the cryptic six words,
(‘ll write more about the 8 years of therapy and the six weeks at
The Meadows at later times,) it seems that March is my month to reflect,
on the Meadows, along with the death of my dad 3/21/1992
soon after I returned to Maine.
…he died on the anniversary of my infant sister’s 1947 funeral. This
year I am running thru my mind why my parents, nor my brother came
to family week….my father on the phone told me they wouldn’t be coming
because my brother had figured out “it wouldn’t be a vacation” therefore
a waste of money.”
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I have learned to accept this time of “sorrow”/sadness what ever it is called,
not fight it and accept the days of happiness and also the days of not getting
one foot ahead of the other.
The answers died with my father...we didn’t ever talk after I returned
other than a quick conversation on the phone.
He lived in Minnesota and I never had a feeling of urgency to talk about things
on the phone before he died.
Sigh.
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10 AM church…the Bishop of Maine The Right Reverend Stephen Lane gave
the sermon and attended lunch after…
Bianca decided to take a nap head first in my plaid bag...for many hours…must have been
cozy in there – but she had room to turn and change position.
I organized some Creative Copy Challenges so they’d be ready to work on when the mood hits
Fell asleep several times typing on the computer…
Watched Worst Cooks and Donald Trump’s Apprentice
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Six Word Journal March 4, 2012
Bishop Lane/Afternoon sleepy/?reality? tv
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The weather man and woman
on my favorite channel
have been speaking for a week
or more of thehigher pollen count
this spring due to our mild winter this year.
Summer like temps predicted for the next
week. Time will tell …
so will our noses.
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Ah-choo ! Spring = lots of tissues.
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Bianca sound asleep in a bookcase behind the television.
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I cannot believe I have had to outwit a cat
to get this photo.
She has been angry at me for some reason
known only to her.
When I came home today she was in
this same book-case, lengthwise,
using a box of computer paper for a pillow.
The minute I noticed her in the bookcase,
grabbed my camera, her head popped up
like something out of a Stephen King movie.
She has watched me like a hawk … if I
picked up the camera, and Bianca saw me
do it, she would jump down and run to the
kitchen !
Now that it is dark out, …this has gone on
since one PM, except for one hour when
I wasn’t home… it’s now after 8 PM.
I had to turn a light towards the
bookcase that is behind the tv, to be sure
I could get the photo !
The light turned towards Bianca was sensed
by her, so she HAD to clean her paws and tail
studiously…
I finally got the photo,
Bianca sensed it ten seconds too late.
As she lifted her head, turned her sleep blurry
eyes at me, I casually waved, turned and sat
in my chair.
Can’t believe I’ve turned into one of
THOSE PEOPLE that I used to think were silly
thinking that an animal could think, feel emotions
and outsmart them.
Sigh. Big Sigh.
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A woman who tended to brood
Wore her hair in a [trend-setting] snood.
She knew it was chancy
To be fancy schmancy,
For people would think she was stewed.
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Photo credit: Google
note: {trend-setting} was Mad’s suggestion to replace the word fashionable.
.http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2012/03/18/brooding-limerick-off-monday/
siggiofmaine 