An Artist, Photographer, Writer, Poet

Tag Archives: loss

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· (c)November 3, 2013 Saradunn….

Before the winter storms, the St. Dunstan Espiscopal Church’s willow tree, Ellsworth Maine, USA

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Our Host, Kristjaann Panneman, aka Chèvrefeuille, writes:
 
Just a treat for your inspiration. A new episode of Carpe Diem’s “only the first line”. 
In this special feature the goal is to write a new haiku which starts with a given fîrst line.
For this episode of CD’s “only the first line” I have chosen the next ‘first line’.
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To make this a real challenge I have one ‘rule’ which you have to use.
Which one? Well … the haiku has to follow the syllables-count 5-7-5, the classic rule.
The first line you have to use is:


“under the willow”

Have fun, be inspired and share your classical (counted) haiku 
starting with the above mentioned line with us all.Here is my ( Chèvrefeuille”s attempt:

under the willow
hiding for the midday-heat
newly wed couple


(c) Chèvrefeuille

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My story of the willow tree is a sad one 
but the tree has so far survived
the storms of many winters.
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(c) 2/14/2014

After  the winter storms, the St. Dunstan Espiscopal Church’s willow tree, Ellsworth Maine, USA

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I wrote in answer to the prompt:
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under the willow
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winter’s ice storm reminder
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all life is fragile

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(c) January 2014 Saradunn Miss  Blaze S’More

 

Carpe Diem prompt companionship

 

New Year ~ hearts join

bereaved ~ sought soul mate  ~  found

Charlie Chaplin ‘stash

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My dear Bianca had been gone almost 3 months 
and I found myself really missing the companionship
of another living being.  The shelter had a “sale”
for cats thru the end of the year, since the weather 
was blizzard after blizzard and arctic temps.  The
shelter had to cancel its fund raiser and decided to
keep the price from Kittenpalooza thru the end of
the year.
I had been in a couple of times, but just couldn’t
make a decisions.  When Ino realized I needed to
get myself out of the dumpers, and the price was
right, I headed to the shelter and presented my
“wants” to the staff.  
*** a cat that was older and therefore not easy to
find a forever home.
***  possible mouser
***  not too big
***  not to clingy…I didn’t want to have a cat always
       wanting to be picked up, held or sit with me
 
Well, Miss Blaze S’More fits the bill sort of.  I didn’t realize
that 2 1/2 was “old” for adoption…people want kittens
under a year old.   Eleven pounds is quite a big cat,
but she is long an sleek.
Her personality fits the bill… I am the Princess Serf,
whom she allows to live in the house.  She sits with
me when it pleases her an no one else is around she
prefers !
 
A fine companion for a not so little old lady … 
Miss Blaze S’More my companion and boss.

 

(c) January 2014 Saradunn Miss  Blaze S’More

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© Sigrid Saradunn 2011….“Eclipse of the Wooden Eye Moon” January 4, 2011

Bianca, acrylic on canvas 12″ x 12 “

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Bianca Oreo 2002 to October 19, 2013

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© Sigrid Saradunn 2013…

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Bianca after loosing about 8 pounds…

(hard to believe looking at the photo!

She eventually was a little over 6 pounds….)

For the last two weeks,

she suddenly developed a taste for

“people food”

…chicken and pork chops

which of course,

I, Hard Hearted Hannah ☺

cooked for her.

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© Sigrid Saradunn 2013  Bianca October 6, 2013. 

On this day, a  petite ten pounds (peak was 18 +)

and still giving me her “best view”…

I would get this view more than any other…☺.

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Bianca was so miserable this morning,

made an appt. with the Vet. 

So at approx. 12:40 pm

she crossed the rainbow bridge.

She looked at peace… I didn’t use a carrier,

she stayed quiet to the vets

and never struggled

from the time I left the house

to the end. 

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Bianca came into my life

February 29, 2008,

at about 6.5 years of age.

when I took my youngest

grand-daughter to the local

shelter to play with the kittens.

My daughter and the two

girls thought I’d be lonely

and decided I needed a cat.

Bianca was stationed

at the door…she’d been

returned 3 or 4 times because

she didn’t like other cats,

kittens, dogs, children,

…people in general. 

But she DID like my

x hubby #2

(I can’t remember HOW

HE got to be involved

that day, but he did)

and that is how

she came to leave with

me when the other cats

weren’t suitable.

(came in pairs, or weren’t

house broken)

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She taught me a lot

about animals and pets…

and people.

Bianca was extremely

smart and besides that…

a good mouser.

No matter how sick she felt,

if there was a mouse

to catch,

she was into duty mode…

and would stalk it til

it was mission accomplished.

I haven’t had many pets,

none as a child,

and never attended the death

of any of them.

My Cocker Spaniel

was my death of a pet

and I had a long term

unresolved grief response

to that loss.

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I do, for now, intend to keep

her photo as my icon

and will continue to write

about her as things remind

me of her.

My friends tell me that when

the time is right,

a new cat will appear,

needing a home,

and my home,

hoping it is a good mouser

will welcome it …

mouser or not !

Thank you all for your support…

without you knowing,

your posts on all the various prompts

have helped me thru this difficult

time of hospice care for

Bianca. 

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Peace and love,

Siggi

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This time, FBF is about loss.
Any loss you can think of is fair game,
but I do ask you to be serious.
I’m looking for the kind of loss
that breaks your heart,
so no jokey light-hearted poems
about lost keys, please.

P
lease write a NEW poem
written specifically for this challenge. 
Any form is fine except haiku,
and free verse is cool, too.
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96 HOURS

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I try to imagine
almost 16 years
to the day,*
what it would be like
to lay for 96 hours
with no one knowing
you are hurt,
no one checking
to see how you are.

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The system of checking
on her had broken
down.  My mother
had fallen down a set
of stairs in her split level
house where she lived
alone.
When someone realized
that my mother
hadn’t been heard from
for a few days…
she was found.

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The odds she would
survive were slim,
but she did.
I can’t remember
when I mentioned,
after thinking how
terrible it must
have been to lay there,
and think…
about ???

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I can’t remember
when I told her that
I often thought how
terrible
it must have been
to lay there not knowing
what the outcome
would be.

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My mother told me
that she did not have
a belief in an afterlife…
she did not believe
in heaven or hell.
Just a darkness.
She had discussed it
with a friend who had
had a stroke.
They decided that
death was just darkness.
Nothing afterwards.
She ended the conversation
decisively.
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We never discussed
that her fall,  religion
or death again…
Then in October 2005
her favorite brother, Bill,
died suddenly.
For her,
an unbearable loss.

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Three days later,
my mother died,
sitting in her  chair,
waiting for my brother
to visit for the day.
She’d had a shower,
her hair done,
dressed to her liking.
Things important to her, **
She died prepared to go.

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It is thought that
she died from grief.
The loss of her brother
was too much
for her to bear.

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Her brother had died.
She’d been angry
when told he died.
He was younger,
she expected him
to out live her.

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I wonder.
In those 96 hours
in 1997
she decided
death was darkness.
No afterlife.

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I don’t know the hour
her  brother died.

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I know that she died
less than 96 hours
after Bill died.
Did she see
light in place of
darkness ?

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It makes me wonder
if in less than 96 hours
did she change
her mind about
death being darkness
when she decided
to join him.

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*   My mother fell in June 9, 1997.
Today as I write, it is 29 June 2013
** My mother would not go anywhere spur of the moment.

She needed to have a shower, wash, set and dry her hair,
and find an appropriate outfit.
Not for a ride in the car, to the store, anywhere.
My father would get exasperated and say,
“Mary Louise, you are going to need advance notice before
you die so you can have your shower, hair fixed, and dressed
before you die” (paraphrased)

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imaginary garden with real toads

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She Waits
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Time has erased her mind
Now…. Her hands pocketed
Feet tirelessly peddle the floor
Beautiful sea glass eyes
Peer expectantly out the door
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748 days I have known her
748 days she has waited and peered
For whom she waits
I will never know
What treasures lie beneath the outwardly blank mind
I will never know
I dream that she lived loudly ,
Happily
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I dream that her waiting is for a long lost wild lover
Or dear child
Or treasured friend
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People that keep her padding daily to the door
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“I will see you tomorrow sweet lady” … My daily bid adieu
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“Oh no you won’t “
Sea glass eyes twinkle
“I won’t be here , but so nice to meet you .”
749
For whom she waits
I will never know
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© 2013  Dr. Tiara Stingley

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Dr. Tiara Stingley is from Nashville, Tennessee.
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She is an Individual Consultant at Rodan and Fields
and Doctor of Physical Therapy at RehabCare Group.

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